Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
Lying battered and bruised in hospital, a man explained to his friend, "I told my wife that when football is on TV, it would take a team of wild horses to drag me away. I still have no idea where she got them."
Looking worried, a man admitted to his doctor that he was becoming more forgetful. "Sometimes I can't remember where I've parked the car, where I'm going or what I'm going to do once I get there-if I get there. What can I do?" The doctor replied in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."
Delighted at getting his first job, a young man rushed home to tell his father. "Guess what," he says. "I play a man who's been married for 30 years." "Never mind, son," says his father. "I'm sure you'll get a speaking part next time."
“Everything’s in order,” says a doctor to a patient after giving her a check-up. But I would advise you spend more time in the fresh air, and dress more warmly in winter.”
The woman comes home and her husband asks what the doctor said.
“He said that I absolutely must go on vacation to the seaside every summer, and buy a mink coat to wear in winter.”
